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The Tabloid Touch
More alien shots. I have no imagination these days, if I ever did.
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Barrel of Monkeys
In Planet of the Apes, were things more fun than a barrel of humans? Pics of Maria are definitely more fun than a barrel of humans.
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Hegel's Kegels
More exercise for your brain. Assuming your brain resides in your pants.
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Artie Choke Hart
I'm sorry. I'd say it won't happen again, but, I'd probably be lying.
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I Like Vaginas
It's possible that the title of this gallery is the biggest understatement I have ever made. There are actually pictures of other body
parts in this gallery, too, but, no one generally bothers to look at those. Hell, I probably wouldn't either.
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Eardrums Along the Mohawk
Can't think. Nicotine withdrawals. Want to smoke sooooooo bad. I love you Marlboro Lights 100's! Please come back to me!
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Just Another Hard Day at the Orifice
Have I ever claimed to be original? Well, okay, maybe once, but just for that one particular thing, but that's all...I swear! Sorta. Fuck it.
I have no idea why I'm talking about this right now. Just take two placebos and call me in the morning.
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Sun Spots
A patch of sunlight on the floor and Maria. What else do you want? Theme? Structure? Coherence? Got the wrong guy for any of that!
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Lecher in the Rye
Imagine I just said something deep and pithy and lightly salted with wit. Then barf. Then look at these pictures.
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Rummage Sale
Consider this the equivalent of Chef's Surprise - whatever didn't fit with the other stuff this month got tossed in here.
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Dessert
Naked women, chocolate, and whipped cream. Hell, it's the kind of dessert I've LOVE to be able to order in a restaurant.
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The Warm Up
Sometimes it's fun to just sit back and let the models go where they want with a shoot. Which is good, because I suck so badly at directing that
sometimes they have no choice but to make their own decisions!
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Foot Sheaths
Um...excuse me for a sec, I think I've developed a horrible cramp in my crotch.
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Blue Balls Ballet (The Nutcracker Suite Redux) Gasp, naked women doing somewhat sexual stuff with each other! As if anyone would want to look at that!
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Pilgrim'sPunk's Progress This is VERY loosely designed around various styles of punk - by someone who's lived them (and that's not me).
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Sheer Ecstasy
Fun with sheer material and shadows...otherwise known as "what to do with a clueless photographer".
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You're the Mother People Too
It really pisses me off that they've censored some of Zappa's re-releases. Oh, and this gallery has pictures of the Joes I played with
as a kid...and some interesting body parts I only wished I could play with as a kid.
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Comfort Zones
I never know what's going to happen with a first-time model. Sometimes this.
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Costume Party
Tattoos, masks, blah blah blah. Do you realize some people actually read what I write in these things? Amazing, isn't it? Hell,
I can't believe it myself. Even I don't read myself. I just look at the pictures.
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Grasshopper Vultures
Pictures of Maria...what? Too simple for you? Am I supposed to write stuff for every damn gallery? Sheesh, give me a break, I'm old,
it's time for my nap, my programs are on.
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Can I Pet Your Doggeral? Roses are red, virus cause flu, if you don't like me, then bite my floppy old man penis.
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Snorkeling in the Crypt Ssssssh. Did you hear that? It sounded like...like...never mind. It was nothing.
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An Attitude of Gratitude A Season of Teasin'. A Mindset of Hindsight. More fun than a barrel of monks.
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Porn on the Fourth of July Polly want a cracker? Polly want some lithium? Polly want to suck my dick?
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Sweeney Cod My kind of barber story.
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Owl Dick Great Horned Owl, my ass.
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